LIVING LA VIDA LOCA!!!

I have planned to write this for a few days but it’s been quite a hectic week and i couldn’t find a peaceful time to blog.. It’s already 3am 25th December.. For others, this means Christmas day, but for us, it’s Mek Na’s Wedding..

I’m sort of the ‘maid of honour’ for the wedding.. and i’ve lots to say.. but like i said, it’s already 3am and i haven’t even ironed my baju kurung.. and the akad nikah is at 11.30am (I’ve to be there around 10am to receive the guests).

I promise if i’m not sick tomorrow (am having a running nose rite now), i’ll update this entry. laters!!!

Dec 28th - hey guys, i’m back.. so very very sorry.. yesterday mase tgh smangat giler nak blog, i donno why BOTH yahoo and friendster takleh masuk. almost one whole day!!!! so tak terupdate laa bende nih… the night before that pulak termelepak kat Kopitiam lama sangat, sampai dah tak larat nak blog. Ahakz.

Errmmm.. where should i start ya??? alaa… tgh chat ngan friends in Ireland lak.. i continue later kay. mwahh..

                                                                         Friday, Dec 29th, 2006. 0300 hours

ALEENA/FAROUQI - PART 1

I am sooooo happy for both of them… They are each other’s first real love, and they have been together since First Year in UTM. They are of the same age, and same size scale (both petite for their genders). They are both NIKs of Kota Bharu, and are actually distant relative. The difference is MekNa was raised in KB, Aqi (as what he is fondly called by us) in Shah Alam. MekNa speaks Kelate, Aqi’s Kelantanese sounds a bit Siam-ish. Eheheheh.. ;p

Anyway, despite the bickerings and fights they had, they really are made for each other. She gives her support and strength to him, he gives his undying love to her.

I’m glad that I have good rapport with almost all of my best friends’ boyfriends (except for Remon - and that is coz he doesn’t know how much I rooted for him. If he knows, we would have better rapport). Being friends (not necessarily good friends) with your friends’ boyfriends make your life and friendship easier.

Why? Because this would mean the dynamics of your friendship won’t change that much. Coz their boyfriends know you. So when you eventually get married, you can still hangout like you always do, coz these dudes respect your friendships. Mustaqim (Elisa’s bf) even went to the extent of saying "Hmm.. kalau jelitawan2 Zainab berkumpul, mane boleh kacau". Which is actually soooo true.

I mean, we Zainab girls have a really strong bond with each other. So we really appreciate it if we’re not disturbed when we’re chilling together. I get so annoyed if any of us get a long phone call from the BFs (more than 5 mins is considered long when you’re out with your girls). Not that I’m bitter coz I don’t have a bf, coz even when I had a bf before, I won’t be disturbed by unnecessary phone calls from my bf. I think my friendship with my ZS buddies is like a dude’s friendship. We almost never bring our partners when we have a get-together. Only girls, trading gossips and updating each other with the latest developments in our lives.

And now that most of us (this doesn’t include me ok) are getting hitched next year, I treasure our quality time together more. Yelaa.. sedangkan mase bercinta pon Bf is priority #1, inikan pula biler dah kawin when Suami memang WAJIB jadi priority #1.

Since MekNa is the first of the XENON babes to get married,
we’ve yet to see how marriage affects our friendship. I hope it won’t. Not that we hangout everyday or talk on the phone every other day (though we do YM almost everyday), but still…

I’ll continue the Part 2 by telling the story of MekNa’s last night out with the girls as a single woman. Stay tuned….. I might even upload some sizzling pictures of the nite.

I’ve been having insomnia for so long. From averaging at 4am now I’ve graduated to AFTER 8am. Since I couldn’t sleep, I think it’s time for me to write more of her. I’m not asking for sympathy here, I just wanna write so that I’ll always remember. I don’t wanna save it in my pc coz I’m afraid I’ll read it everyday. I don’t trust my brain to remember every single detail in another ten or twenty years. I will use both languages here whenever appropriate.

Wednesday morning on 22^nd November was my second final paper, Financial Strategy. I have been wanting to rant about the darn subject but its importance pales compared to the story I’m going to write. For the first time ever since I sat for my CiMA exam, I wore baju kurung to the examination hall. UM exam hall is very famous for its wintering temperature. I don’t know why somehow the hall wasn’t that freezing that day. Maybe I was numbed. I don’t know. I wanted to attend Niti’s funeral. If possible I wanted to catch a glimpse of her before she permanently leaves this world. I wore cream, the only baju kurung closest to plain white I have.

My paper started at 9.10 am and finished at 12.30 noon. I went to ziarah the night before, arriving at her house at about 2am (I blame Yusri for not telling me the news earlier, I got the call from Azdi when it was already half past eleven). When I got back home I miserably tried to study but little got through my brain. I only had about 30 minutes of sleep that night.

I hurried out of the hall without so much of a nod to my classmates. I sped straight to Taman Tun. I was frustrated when Epool replied my text saying they were already getting ready to go the Taman Tun Mosque for sembahyang jenazah right after Zuhr. I knew I’ll NEVER get to see her for the last time (when I went the night before her husband, Abang Arie won’t let me see her. He said he’s sure she wants to be remembered as she was before she’s sick).

 
I went to the mosque and was a bit consoled to see several of my KT mates there. Helmi, Ali, Epool, Iqbal… If I missed a name I’m really sorry. My mind didn’t register much that day. The boys joined the prayer and I waited at the ladies section with Kak Nita, Niti’s friend whom I met a few months ago during Akik’s birthday party (eldest son). She was Niti’s friend when she was in MRSM KT (yup, she’s also an ex-kt).

It was pouring so everybody waited at the porch. Abang Arie and their 3 kids were already in the van jenazah. Sugul benar wajahnya membuatkan aku sebak. Aku tahu betapa cintanya Abang Arie padanya. Only Akik understands, the other two are too young to understand that their Mama was never gonna come home again. When the rain subsided, I ran to my car and followed the other cars to Tanah Perkuburan Bukit Kiara. When I reached there, I saw Anisa and another friend (sorry i wass too disraught i forgot your name but I definitely recognize your face) when I wanted to park.

Pantas aku turuti orang lain yang berjalan menuju ke lahad yang sudah sedia digali. Aku sehabis mungkin mahu melihat juga sepintas lalu wajahnya kerana kebiasaannya bahagian muka akan dibuka supaya pipi boleh menyentuh tanah. Tetapi memang takdirku tidak sempat melihatnya. Terlalu ramai mengelilingi, I could only see Abang Arie turun ke dalam liang lahad untuk menyambutnya. Bila aku berjaya mendekati, mereka sudah mula menurunkan papan untuk menutupnya. It reminded me to the moments when Ninda and Anis were buried 5 years ago. Their passing were exactly 40 days apart. The indescribable feeling of knowing that I’ll never see her. EVER AGAIN.

I could only watch mournfully bila mereka mula menimbus. Sometimes I was distracted by one of the family members who was recording it on video. Maybe they want her children to watch it one day. How there were a lot of people there paying their last respects to her. I tried my best not to cry openly. I just watched them at work blankly. I saw a woman crying non-stop nearby (later I found out it was Kak Ola, her brother-in-law’s wife – Niti used to refer her as “my Maria Farida-lookalike-biras”).

Sesudah selesai, tikar dibentang dan Abang Arie with the kids sat on it, along with a couple of family members and the Ustaz. Talqin mula dibaca dan bila sahaja Ustaz itu menyebut “Wahai Akitaniti Mas Ayu Binti Kamariah…”, my composure faltered. It’s not a dream, she’s really not here with us anymore. Kita akan diBin/diBintikan dengan nama ibu kita bila kita kembali kepada-Nya. I sobbed quietly and prayed hard for her. Sungguh sayu dan pilu kurasakan. It’s been a long time since I lost someone I love so dearly. Who meant so much to me. Oh God… how I hate using past tense talking about the people I love.

I was numb for standing so long. Sleep deprived, the exam and I don’t recall eating anything in the morning. Maybe some cereal. I honestly can’t remember. Bila talqin selesai, Auntie Kamariah orang pertama yang menyiram air dan menabur bunga ke pusara. Diikuti oleh Abang Arie, Akik dan Afiq. Mishkat enggan mampir ke pusara, hanya memeluk erat neneknya. Tidak selesa barangkali kerana tanah lecah akibat hujan.

Setelah keluarga terdekat selesai menabur bunga, masih ada bunga yg tinggal di dalam bakul yang dihias cantik. The last person saw me looking so I signalled that I wanted to scatter the flowers too. She passed me the basket. Kuambil bakul itu dan perlahan aku taburkan bunga di atas pusara. Aku tidak dapat menahan hiba ketika kulihat bunga-bunga yang kutaburkan jatuh menyentuh tanah lembab itu. Betapa aku mengharapkan itu hanya sebuah mimpi ngeri tapi dapat kurasakan tanah yang basah di kakiku. Sungguh pahit untuk kutelan bahawa itu bukannya mimpi tapi satu kenyataan yang pedih.
 
No more laughter, no more lunches at KLCC or Midvallley, no more sharing feelings and stories, no more rounds at the boutiques looking for her perfect handbag, no more precious wisdoms to be passed to me. No more.

Aku salami dan cium pipi ibu dan ibu saudaranya dan kenalkan rakan-rakanku kepada mereka. Her mom remarked quite a number of KT students came, from different batches. Aku meminta diri untuk pulang, it was hard to keep my eyes open and my brain was already threatening to shut down. Berat bagi aku untuk melangkah meninggalkan pusara kerana aku tahu Malaikat akan terus datang setelah 7 langkah orang terakhir berlalu meninggalkan pusara.

 
I waited for Abang Arie to speak to the people extending their condolonces. Among them were her students from IKM who braved the rain riding their bikes from IKM. When he saw me, I told him I was leaving and he thanked me and said I’m welcomed to attend the tahlil that will be held for three days. I said I couldn’t go that night because I had another paper the next day so I need to study. I promised I’ll show up the second and third nights.
 

I said goodbye to my two friends and left. I cried and sobbed alone on my way home to Shah Alam. “Ya Allah… sampaikan doa dan salam yang kutitipkan padanya. Peliharalah rohnya di sana. Ampunkan dosa-dosanya.”

I hope you know that I love you so much and how your existance in my life made a big impact on me. You will be forever remembered and missed greatly. Not a day has passed without me thinking of you and the moments we shared together.

Al-Fatihah.

p/s : I have no idea how the kids’ names are spelt so i just spelt them as they are pronounced.

p/s/s : Tiq, Happy 19th Birthday… Love you, Sis.

February 3rd, 8.30 am