LIVING LA VIDA LOCA!!!

After more than 3 weeks being a fanatic of Faizal Tahir of OIAM (skarang dah tak berape fanatik coz i found out that i kinda-know his wife, huehue - i mean, cam pelik minat giler kat husband member kan? hahaha), and spending the whole puasa (so far) engrossed with everything about him (yeah i know, saiko, first time wei minat solo singer kat Malaysia nih!!), (okay kinda terpesong from the objective - i just wana say how boring my life is now that i even have time to be a fanatic fan to a singer) i got an unexpected sms which surprised me and  somehow overwhelmed me a little bit.

I have a friend. A very nice guy. He used to pick me up at Section 17 subuh2 hari (back then Kak We wasn’t in Shah Alam) and send me a can of Coke to my apartment malam2 buta before my final exam. I always thought it was only favours done by a friend. I mean, this guy is known as one of the nicer ones in the faculty, so he could have done the same thing to anyone. 

But tonight, after he’s already ENGAGED, only just now he told me that "i was serious, tapi you take it as a joke. What to do then, maybe you weren’t interested". I was perplexed at first, then surprised then was like "wtf?" and after it sank in, i was a bit overwhelmed. And being a person who always think of the IFs in my life… a caleidoscope of images ran through my head. All the IFs were jogging through my tired brain (it was near 1am).. Laaa.. biler maser pulak nih? Tak penah perasan any hint pon? I never really dated anyone from my Faculty. I think I know the reason why but malas nak citer kat sini nanti misconstrued and deemed perasan pulak.

Something suddenly bypassed my mind. A friend (a guy who met his ex during Mingle2 in the park. haha) actually pointed out  to me that that guy actually fits my criteria. He laughingly said "aku tau kau suker orang macam dier, smayang on time, pandai… pegilaa tackle dier" and I did nothing about it. Seriously, maybe a lot of people think i flirt a lot. To say that i don’t will be a lie. But i’ve never pursued anyone that i REALLY like. Orang kater "hanya memandang dari kejauhan". And all the guys i used to like or like are always TAKEN. I’ve never broken anyone’s relationship before and i don’t have any intention to do it in the future. No matter how much i like that certain person, i don’t wanna built a relationship out of someone’s misery. So i won’t do anything (though sometimes i did wish they’ll break up and will hook up with me. only SOMETIMES okay!).

Not that there wasn’t anyone who confessed to me before, but it has been quite a long time since someone did. WHY IS IT THAT IT’S ALWAYS TOO LATE??? WHY CAN’T THEY JUST COME TO ME AND SAY IT? WHY DIDN’T THEY TRY HARD ENOUGH? AM I THAT DIFFICULT OR INTIMIDATING? Or they are just being guys? Afraid too much about getting their egos injured and afraid of rejection?

I opened my gallery of 1300 ++ pictures in my laptop and search for our pictures. There were like 5 pictures of us during the faculty’s programmes. Smiling to the camera. Oh God. Why does this always happen to me? I know i hurt someone in the past. But only ONE. And i already paid for it when i was hurt sooooo much it took me 3 years to forget it (which when i think of it now it was a bloody waste of time actually).

Or maybe what he had for me was lust. That’s why he never tried hard enough. *sigh… ader sape2 lagi ker yang nak buat confession nih? hahahaha… kidding2… am actually making fun of myself for the things that i missed.

-600 hari mencari cinta-

This entry was posted on Wednesday, October 11th, 2006 at 12:04 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.