LIVING LA VIDA LOCA!!!

I’ve been torturing myself the whole day over something that doesn’t really make sense, or yours truly has blown things out of proportions. Wateva it is, hari nih memang saiko. Or my favourite term for it, OTOK. Bahase sejagatnyer - MENTAL.

And as usual.. I will try to go to the root of the problem (in this case, to the person who triggered the insanity in me in the first place) and poured to her what’s in my mind.

Why does normal theory can’t apply to me? Why people execute the regular theory and they win? And I’ve been threading on thin ice coz I’m afraid I’ll break the ice (if this metaphor is wrong please forgive me, i’m not in a stable state of mind right now). Why do i always have a penchant to take up things that sometimes are too challenging for me (ie. taking CiMA instead of ACCA, and now this sh*t in my life) to handle?

Why do i have to put my plans on hold so that i can be with the people i love (families and friends), when I don’t see a lot of people doing that (except for Jan and Mahadi) these days? Why do i have to change my plans so that I can match with others’ plan? Why do i have to be so damn bloody flexible for others? Why am i not capable of being selfish and think of myself first? Yelaa.. if not me who else will take care of me lah?

Why do i have to feel more than what people feel? (dat’s why sometimes i just look like i don’t care coz once i care, i’ll care too much i’ll end up being the one getting hurt). Why do i have to feel guilty not replying sms to my friends when ppl can just ignore their friends’ sms and reply days later or sometimes not at all? Why do i always think i have to jaga everybody’s feelings when i got hurt in return?

Why do i always make sure i answer everything that’s been asked and reply everything people sent me in YM when i’ve seen my friends who can always ignore the messages they receive without remorse? (and they are not in invisible mode okay!)

Why can people be so ignorant, let their phone batteries flat (or leave it somewhere in the car, at home) and not worry about the people who are looking and trying to reach them? (case in point : my grandpa always calls me if my sister’s being ignorant with her bloody phone)

And yet i think nobody will ever rate me as someone polite or considerate. Well, i dun mind that. I juz wonder how can people do that and i’m incapable of doing the same thing? Or is it because i’m single and not attached that’s why i can always respond to people? Others are too busy with their partners? Well, last time i checked, when i still had a bf, i still responded to my friends. It’s juz maybe I didn’t spend too much time with them (it was a 2fast 2furious love so i was almost 24/7 with Eddie).

I tried doing that (ignoring smses) and i end up feeling really really bad about it. I wonder am i just reading too much into nothing, or am i the only person who actually cares about people’s feelings? (eh, this sentence sounds stupid but again, i think my IQ deteriorated a bit today)

Hahah. mesti korang pon konfius.. You don’t need to understand pon.. I’m just ranting tak puas hati sorang2.. sakit jiwa sorang2.. It’s 2.30am.. i’m gonna have a quick shower before i sleep.

p/s : these questions seems trivial but it actually leads to bigger issues. And these issues are the ones that are bothering me right now. Only certain parties understand what I’m ranting about. Huehue..

~500 hari mencari chenta~

This entry was posted on Thursday, August 24th, 2006 at 10:58 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.